Ok so while we on the East Coast are somewhere between a North Face bubble jacket, trench coat, and leather jacket, the West coast has shed their light winter fare and have already headed for the beach. Not only do we East coasters have to contend with our uncooperative weather patterns (though trying not to be bitter (cold) about it) we are also inundated via Internet blog sites with West coasters tanned and toned bodies hitting the surf. I don’t know about you but when it’s 45 degrees and I am trying to decide which coat will be light enough for the day but provide enough insulation for the cooler evenings, I don’t want to have to contemplate with the fact that (even though our beach weather is months away) I am not in “Bikini Shape” It’s just too much pressure.
There was a time when the coasts where completely oblivious to what the other was doing or wearing. It was all quite Little House on the Prairie; we would hear tales of sunshine and bliss, but would have to await news in a letter that arrived at the general store from someone out west who would tell us how people there going to the beach in the middle of April. Now with the Internet and Social Networking sites, we have streaming feed of fashions actions and happenings from around the world at a click, and that includes how great and in shape all the West coast celebrities are months before we know we have to put down the bagel and get ready for the great shedding of the clothes.
I was lying in bed the other day and absentmindedly (as dancers are wont to do) threw my leg up in the air. I was feeling quite good as I gazed fondly at the pointed foot and well formed calf muscle (never my “problem areas) however as my eyes traveled down past the knee I was stricken with horror as my thigh looked like one of those sides of lamb they shave to make Greek Gyro sandwiches. Clearly my calf looked good because all the winter weight had been propagated by gravity southwards towards my hip. I pinched at poked at this foreign mass and thought to myself “Oh this is not good”
I knew I had to do something (like stop hoovering everything that came into my path into my mouth like an anteater) but there was something in my that said, “Hey you’ve got a couple of months before the big reveal” As I made my way to the living room I grabbed a snack off of that Snack Shelf and went to the computer. That’s where the East Coast West Body Wars are played out. I was immediately confronted with the likes of Courtney Cox’s bikini body, Halle Berry’s Bikini Body, and Maggie Gyllenhaall’s. Ugh. It was enough to ruin a good snack! I immediately felt behind (pun intended) in the game, but why?
Technically I *do have at least 3 months to pull it together before putting on shorts, baring a midriff or a bathing suit, and that is on the time line for *my coastline, however with the world shrinking to the size of a hand held device it gets harder and harder to not pay attention to that is happening on the other side of the country or the world. Now this is both a positive and a negative. We now receive critical news at the time that it happens, we can stay on top of what is happening in Japan, Haiti and Libya as it happens, which as citizens of the world it is are responsibility to do, or we could be up to the minute on the fact that Victoria Beckham is 12 months pregnant and looks like she ate a piece of bread drank some water and bloated a little bit…
Ok I’m going to Bikram!