Category Archives: Uncategorized

Dance Studio, Uncategorized

It’s Not About Being Good, It’s About Getting Better

I love this Article as it goes to the root of what we talk about here. The concept of Being Good (perfect) and Getting Better (realizing that you are fine the way you are but there is always growing to do) can be the difference between feeling worthless and not enough, which can lead to self abusive behaviors, and feeling some level of peace with who and what you are. If we as women (people) could grasp this concept and rewire ourselves out of this all or nothing , black and white perception that many of us operate out of we could really being to shift into a healthier and more productive space and then- actually get proactive in a healthy way towards—­getting, and being better.

By Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph.D.
Motivational psychologist and author

3 Ways to Show Your Kids That It’s Not About Being Good, It’s About Getting Better

Understanding why some children dig in and work hard when faced with something new and challenging to learn, while others get anxious or give up, has been a focus of research in psychology for decades. Most people assume it has a lot to do with intelligence, but that’s surprisingly wrong. No matter how high your I.Q. is, it says nothing about how you will deal with difficulty when it happens. It says nothing about whether you will be persistent and determined, or feel overwhelmed and helpless.

The goals our kids pursue in the classroom (or on the playing field, or anywhere else, for that matter), actually tell us a lot about how they will cope with difficulty. The biggest differences arise between kids whose goals are about being good versus getting better. Where being good is about proving how smart you already are, getting better is about developing skills and abilities — about getting even smarter.

Studies show that kids who see their goals in terms of getting better — who see a less-than-perfect grade on a math quiz as a signal to try harder, rather than as evidence of “not being good at math” — benefit from this outlook in many ways. They find classroom material more fun and interesting, and process it more deeply. They are less prone to anxiety and depression than their be good peers. They are more motivated, persist longer when the going gets tough, and are much more likely to improve over time.

But as parents and teachers, how can we try to encourage our kids to see challenges in the classroom as opportunities to get better, rather than be good? Most children resist being told outright what their goals should be. Tell a student that she should focus more on learning than proving that she is smart (something I have actually tried as a college professor, by the way) and she will rightly point out that she is being graded for her work, so she has to care about how well she performs.

So it’s often much more effective to take a less direct approach. Using these three proven methods, you can provide the subtle signals and cues that encourage your kids to, often unconsciously, hone in on the right motivation.

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Guilty (but forgivable) Pleasures, In Your Words, Uncategorized

Levis’ Cuve ID- Are the Bold’s bold enough and is the Supreme- Supreme

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This was a long time in coming but well worth the wait. My Body My Image’s investigative Reporter Taylor Owen Ramsey (Finally) gets the Skinny on Levi’s Curve ID

Making Jeans that both fit the body and the gender binary.
Levi’s, the eponymous jeans maker, has created a line of women’s jeans called “Curve ID” that are meant to fit different types of women’s bodies based on the level of curve they have in their bottom half. I, a quite happy curvy woman, was intrigued by this idea for two reasons. First, being a woman with a very curvy body makes finding jeans that fit well undeniably difficult and Levi’s new line proposes to fit my body perfectly. Second, I was interested in these jeans as a one of many cultural mediums through which to explore the commodification of women’s bodies. These two reasons for my interest In Levi’s Curve ID campaign are inextricably linked. Let me explain why, starting with the experience of exploring these jeans myself at Levi’s biggest NYC location.

When you go into the big Levi’s store in Times Square, you’re immediately bombarded by the Curve ID campaign. Does the waist gap in the back of your jeans? You’re a Bold Curve. Is the waist too tight? Slight Curve. If the signs get confusing, not to worry because a sales rep will rush up to you offering to measure you for your own Curve ID. The measuring tape will be pulled out right in the middle of the store and based on several measurements of your waist-hip-booty ratio (on display for all), you will be categorized as either Slight, Demi, Bold or Supreme Curve. Throughout the women’s section of the store, jeans are divided by style and then organized within that style section based on the different Curve IDs. The boot-cut section, for example, has a boot-cut style in every Curve ID.
On the surface and at first glance, this seems like a delightfully refreshing campaign to make a better fitting jean for women’s bodies. And for the most part, this line of jeans does just that; it copes with some variation in women’s bodies, even if only in a very minimal way. However, there are several reasons to be critical. Firstly, the reason women’s jeans don’t fit in the first place is because, unlike men’s jeans, they have been designed to fit mostly as close to the body as possible. They are generally low on the hips, hug the thighs and cling to every curve of the butt. They are meant to put women’s bodies on display. It is simple logic that the tighter an item gets, the less likely it can deal with the variation in human bodies. Women’s jeans are not only designed to fit close to the body but they are cut in the shape that society deems the ideal female shape. If you don’t fit it, there’s something wrong; you’re too far from the acceptable norm. Thus women are in a constant battle to find jeans that they can get on, let alone that fit their shape or they risk feeling bodily deviant. As a result, many women’s magazines devote pages to women’s battle with jeans in the dressing room.

Men’s jeans, however, and despite the recent popularity of the hipster skinny jean, are meant to be worn comparatively loose, accommodating any variety of male body shapes. There tends to be a myth that women’s bodies, as opposed to men’s, are endlessly variable and need “accommodation” and “accentuation” of the finer points and de-emphasis of flaws, whereas men’s bodies are neutral. Of course this isn’t true. Men’s bodies must vary just as much as women’s; genetics doesn’t understand gender constructs. The logic of the endless variety of female bodies and the neutrality of the male follows what feminist theorists sometimes call the male gaze. Women are often treated as commodities meant to be displayed to male watchers/gazers/consumers. Thus, every curve must be accentuated and every flaw hidden so as to attract the greatest number of viewers. The characteristics of the male gazer body are generally unimportant, at least compared to the woman’s body being gazed at.

Of course women play a gigantic role in this schema through the constant monitoring of both their own and each other’s bodies and their active engagement in the constant adorning and decoration meant to emphasize the “sale” of their attractiveness to the viewer. Even at the Levi’s stores, all the female employees were assigned an extraordinarily large pin to wear on their shirt identifying their Curve ID for all to see. I asked one female employee if she had to wear it and she unhappily replied “yes.” While the Curve IDs provide women with some limited variation in their jeans options, the pins remind us we must still categorize our asses into a category or risk deviation once more. The stream of consciousness flowing through the store was palpable. “Is her ass like mine?” “Will my ass even fit an ID?” “What if I am measured and I am too big?” “Is Slight or Bold curve better?” That employee’s ass is perkier and she’s a Supreme Curve. I am a slight curve. I wish I were curvier.”

So after all of this, what has Levi’s done here? They’ve made some nicely fitting jeans, albeit jeans that still fit squarely into a body-oppressive paradigm. Moreover, it should be added the jeans only go to a size 33 in the store. The average woman in the U.S. is a size 14-16 and larger than Levi’s biggest size. For a jean meant to cater to curvy women, it seems silly to make jeans in this size range given that really curvy women are probably bigger than a 33. Finally, the models for these ads until recently have been generally white women that don’t appear to be curvy in the way say Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce or even plus-size model Crystal Renn is/was.

Thus, there is some expected racial norming built into the campaign. So what’s a woman like me to do? I’ll admit I bought two pairs. They just fit so damn well.

****side notes
If you’re curious, I was measured and was told exactly what I expected, that I was a Supreme Curve. And I’ll admit, I bought two pairs of jeans. I bought one pair of “skinny” jeans in Supreme Curve. In fact, the blue ones I bought and am wearing in the photo

are the exact size and style the Supreme Curve model is wearing in one of the Levi’s ads below.

I also tried on the Bold Curve in the black straight style and they fit just as well.

I have my shirt lifted in the pictures so you can see that the jeans do what they are supposed to do: they don’t gap and aren’t too low in the back for women with J-Lo bottoms.

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Airbrushing shouldn’t define women’s image

Does this dress make me look fat?

The statement is overused and cliché, but it is popular because it is true. Many girls around the world struggle with body image. Going to lunch with the girls or going on a dinner date with that special guy can’t be just a fun time. They watch what they eat as though their life depends on it. That dessert that looks good on the menu or that hamburger that looks juicy and delicious are forbidden items.

If they do consume the delicious-looking food, they won’t be skinny. They won’t look like those girls on the front of People and Vogue.

They won’t look fake.

Let’s face the facts, ladies. The way women look in magazines and on billboards isn’t real. The photos of these celebrities are edited and airbrushed to make women look skinny and flawless.
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Uncategorized

It’s All about Aubrey O’Day: “I’m an Emotional Eater

before

now

Here’s the thing, I was never a Danity Kane fan, nor was I an Aubrey O’day fan, but I had followed her antic on the gossip outlets. When I saw that she as the next d-list star to get a reality series I was like “Well okay” but I am in the process of watching the first episode and what hooked me is the fact that she has admitted to being an emotional eater. Clearly she has put on weight, she can’t be more than 5’4 and so even 5-6 pounds will read so 10-15 is a major shift. The thing that I am finding interesting are the comments that the men she has hired to be on her team make about her body. Johnny Wright who she has brought on to manage her speaks the truth in terms of what her antics have done to her reputation, and does say we have to get the music on track but the conversation immediately goes to getting her body back. Then before her dance rehearsal Gil her choreographer mentions that that she has packed on a few. She replies “Well, I thought that being thicker was good now a days” and he retorts “Maybe in another country.” The hardest moment to watch (and the most offensive)and when her rehearsal doesn’t go as smoothly as it has in the past he tells her that he can even look at her…
later she tells him that “It’s not easy being anorexic all the time- I want to enjoy a meal” Gil tries to say that the control that she felt when she was in Danity Kane- that kept her under 100 pounds was “discipline– She says- “But I wasn’t Happy”

The first thing that vocal coach Doc Holliday says to her is that she has a bit of Bumptibump implying that she is thick—but he likes it.

Interestingly when it’s not brought into question she seems fine with the fuller figure, she get’s dressed for a red carpet event and there are no scenes of her feeling like a fat pig conversely she looks confident and self assured. However when talking business she is well aware that her fuller form is problematic, and is constantly reminded of that fact by those on her team.

There is another observation that I find interesting is that there are no women on her team….hmmmmm

She seems like a genuinely nice girl, she is authentically talented but got caught up in the “celebrity” whirlwind, and even says that the “celebrity” stuff was paying more than the talent stuff. I can’t say that I am hooked on All about Aubrey yet and it’s clear that the “angle” of the show hinges on her weight, but I am interested to see her process of dealing with her body as that relates to the music industry.

By Lee Brown
Aubrey O’Day broke down in tears over her battle with her weight after being told she is ‘looking a little hefty.’

With new show All About Aubrey, the star has allowed reality TV cameras to follow her as she tries to relaunch a music career after being ‘fired’ by Diddy from Danity Kane.

But the star, who called herself ‘an emotional eater’, admits to finding the pressure of looking skinny too tough to handle after her choreographer, Gil Duldulao tells her she is hefty and needs to lose ’10 to 15 pounds’.
read more

Another article from Media Life Magazine

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Obesity: Character Flaw or Neurochemical Disease?

By: Carole Carson, dubbed “An Apostle for Fitness” by the Wall Street Journal, is a fitness advocate
read article here

Excercpt:
When is the last time someone challenged you to examine a cherished opinion or viewpoint? This comes close to describing my conversation with Dr. Jennifer Lovejoy, president of the Obesity Society, a clearheaded thinker whose insights are shifting attitudes and shaping future policies about obesity.

Myth #1: Obesity is just a lifestyle problem.

The reality is that obesity is a chronic, relapsing, neurochemical disease with a genetic basis. Simply telling an obese person to “eat less and exercise more” is overly simplistic and demonstrably ineffective. For many people, the extent of long-term calorie reduction and exercise enhancement necessary for adequate weight loss is not feasible for a multitude of biological and environmental reasons we are only beginning to appreciate.

Lifestyle changes such as diet and exercise are obviously key elements of any obesity treatment plan, but just like other chronic conditions that have a lifestyle component, e.g. hypertension and diabetes, there are strong bioregulatory networks working to defeat weight-loss efforts and sustain obesity. Thus, for many patients, obesity treatment requires lifelong interventions in addition to healthy lifestyle change. Ignoring this need ignores the human and financial costs of the condition. Obesity deserves serious treatment.

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Sticks and Stone may break your bones but Words can destroy you.

My Body My Image’s Mental Health Specialist Courtnay Veazey talks more about how to identify and begin to redefine ourselves.

Have you ever heard the following phrase? “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” What a load of crap. Words are powerful – especially the words we or others use to describe ourselves. Words leave scars just like physical injuries do. And, just like doctors must examine those physical wounds to heal them, we must examine our emotional wounds to heal as well, but where do we begin that process?

First we have to recognize and define our adjectives.

When you look in the mirror what adjectives come to mind? Think about the uplifting and derogatory adjectives. What are the origins of those adjectives? Did they originally come from yourself, or did they originate from an outside source (friends, family, authority figures, media, society, etc.)? Take a moment and write those words on a piece of paper. It may take you a while to remember all of your adjectives. We hear and/or tell ourselves these adjectives so often that we internalize them and thus allow them to define us. But are we really those adjectives? Or are we something else?

As I reflect upon my own adjectives the following word comes to mind: cute. While that adjective appears like a decent descriptor at first glance, my cognitive reaction to it is quite different. I hated the descriptor “cute” because to me that meant I had a good personality but was not attractive. I wondered why I could not be something better, such as gorgeous or beautiful. “No one likes cute girls,” I told myself. However, the more I questioned my cognitive reaction, the more I realized the absurdity of it. Cute is fun, personable, relatable, genuine, creative, and beautiful. Cute does NOT mean that I am unattractive or ugly. It means that I am real, human, and approachable.

Yes, our words are powerful. However, what we think (our cognitive response) about those adjectives is even more powerful. For example, what if your adjectives are ugly, or dumb? (I know those words come to my mind every now and then.) If your cognitive response to those words is to accept them as fact, then you will feel ugly, and dumb and act as such. If your cognitive response to those words is to question them, then you slow down the automatic acceptance of those words and give yourself space to question their validity.

Look at that list of adjectives before you and question each one. What is the proof of them? Who said them to you? Where did you first hear them? What do you think about each one? How do your thoughts of those adjectives contribute to your self-esteem and body image? Recognize the power of your thoughts and interpretations regarding the adjectives you or others attribute to yourself. Even more importantly, recognize your ability to change those thoughts and interpretations.

How awesome is it that if we don’t like our body image’s story, we can create a new one? Keep in mind, however, that creating a new story takes a lot of hard work, honesty, and most importantly, a desire to change.

Changing our cognitive responses to our adjectives is hard work because we are human. As humans, we want change to be instant. We love instant gratification. Unfortunately, when it comes to creating a new story, it takes time because you are re-patterning old ways of thinking, perceiving, feeling, believing. You are shedding a view of your body and your self that is unhealthy. Interestingly, though, as humans we CLING to that old view because it is comfortable. That old view is like an old pair of sweatpants that we refuse to throw away even though it is disintegrating before our very eyes. We refuse to throw it away because it is familiar, safe and indeed comfortable. Yes, even the negative reactions to our bodies are comfortable to us. Admit it. Who are we without those negative body images? That is how we have always known ourselves, and when we lose that image, we must start anew, which is unknown and scary. We must build a new foundation, which takes hard work and courage.


How do we build that new foundation? This Glamour article mentions rewiring your brain, which is the layman’s term for Aaron T. Beck’s cognitive therapy, which he developed in the 1960’s. Basically, Beck believed that thinking, feeling, and behaving are interrelated, and our thoughts about a situation (our bodies, for example) determine how we feel about it. Beck’s belief laid the foundation for Albert Ellis’ rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT), which again emphasizes that our thoughts affect our emotions. Ellis used the alphabet to teach his clients his approach.

A – Activating Event – Looking at my body in the mirror.

B – Irrational Belief – “I must be beautiful to be significant.”

C – Emotional Consequence – Self-doubt, embarrassment about body, low self-esteem, etc.

(Our initial understanding of our emotions is that A (looking in the mirror) caused C (low self-esteem). We forget the important role that B (our irrational thought) plays in the development of C.)

D – Dispute Irrational Belief – Is beauty the only way I can be significant? What about my education? My talents? My spiritual life? My relationships? My marriage?

E – Create Effective and New Belief – Being beautiful is NOT the only way to feel significant. I am significant even if my body is not the image I see in the media.

F – New Belief Births New Feelings – Confidence, appreciation, contentment, pride with who I am physically.

The examples of each component of Ellis’ theory stem from my personal experience. And let me tell you, it was HARD WORK dividing events from beliefs from emotions yet acknowledging their correlation to one another. Be patient as you examine what events in your life lead to the irrational beliefs that ultimately create harsh emotional reactions. Dispute those irrational beliefs about what makes the “perfect” body. Throw away the comfortable and create room for the new beliefs about your body that will give birth to new and much healthier (albeit sometimes uncomfortable) emotions.

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Megan Fox has trouble GAINING weight

Megan Fox’s fitness trainer Harley Pasternak reveals the actress’s frustrations with gaining weight in an exclusive interview

Megan Fox has been looking particularly thin lately, and 81% of you voted you were worried about how tiny she is getting. But her trainer Harley Pasternak assures HollywoodLife.com the actress eats a lot and explains why she’s so skinny.

“Do I worry about Megan getting too skinny? Yeah!” exclaims Harley, who trains Megan and other celebrities like Robert Pattinson, Katy Perry and Amanda Seyfried.

BOOHOO right? Well being too thin can be just as much of a problem as being overweight and can make a person just as self-conscious, though most of us would kill to have this problem -it still is a problem.
check out this article by Adam Davies, How Being Too Skinny Damages Your Health

Most people assume that being skinny is healthy…well certainly it has to be healthier than being fat, right? Wrong! Being too skinny has just as many health risks as being too fat and unfortunately not enough media attention for the skinny guy to know about it.

For starters, even though you would like to believe that you are too skinny exclusively because of genetics, the fact is that you probably aren’t eating enough which means your body isn’t getting enough nutrients to maintain proper cellular function. This coincides with a lowered immune system which opens the door for being susceptible to a myriad of viruses and other illness and taking longer to heal than most people.

Next on the list is the risk of osteoporosis which is a condition of thin, porous bones. As you age and muscle tone decreases, your bones will become particularly vulnerable to breaking because they are too thin and do not have adequate support from your muscles to protect them. It is important to increase your calcium, vitamin D and magnesium intake as well as increase weight bearing exercise in order to prevent and counteract osteoporosis and maintain strong, healthy bones throughout your life including in your old age. You don’t want to spend your final days in and out of the hospital, wearing casts and/or sitting in a wheel chair, do you? read more