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Theresa Ruth Howard Dancer/Writer/Teacher Theresa Ruth Howard began her professional dance career with the Philadelphia Civic Ballet Company at the age of twelve. Later she joined the Dance Theatre of Harlem where she had the opportunity to travel extensively throughout the United States, Europe and Africa. She has worked with choreographer Donald Byrd as a soloist in his staging of New York City Opera's Carmina Burana, his critically acclaimed Harlem Nutcracker, as well as the controversial domestic violence work The Beast. She was invited to be a guest artist with Complexions: A Concept in their 10th anniversary season. In 2004 she became a founding member of Armitage Gone! Dance. As a writer Ms. Howard has contributed to Russell Simmons’ One World magazine (art), and The Source (social politics), as well as Pointe and Dance Magazine. While teaching in Italy for the International Dance Association she was asked to become a contributor for the premiere Italian dance magazine Expressions. Her engaging, no nonsense writing style caught the eye of both the readers of Dance Magazine and its Editor in Chief who not only made her a contributing editor and has collaborated with Ms. Howard in See and Say Web-reviews. Her articles about body image prompted her to develop a workshop for young adult (dancers and non-dancers) My Body My Image that addresses their perceptions both positive and negative about their bodies and endeavoring to bring them closer to a place of Acceptance and Appreciation. She recently launched a blog by the same name to reach a broader audience (mybodymyimage.com) As a teacher Ms. Howard has been an Artist in Residence at Hollins University in and New Haven University in addition to teaching at Sarah Lawrence College, Marymount, Shenandoah, and Radford Universities, and the historical American Dance Festival. As a result of her work at ADF Ms. Howard was invited to Sochi, Russia to adjudicate the arts competition Expectations of Europe and teach master classes, and in Burundi, Africa where she coached and taught the Burundi Dance Company. Currently she on faculty at The Ailey School but also extensively throughout Italy and Canada. Ms. Howard's belief in the development, and nurturing of children lead her to work with at risk youth. At the Jacob Riis Settlement House in Queensbridge New York, she founded S.I.S.T.A (Socially Intelligent Sisters Taking Action) a mentoring program for teen-age girls where she worked to empower them to become the creators of their destinies. In addition she developed a dance program, which lead to an exchange with the Dance Theatre of Harlem. Through her teaching and travels Ms. Howard began to observe a universal disenchantment and disconnection in teenagers that disturbed her, thus she set out to address it. Combining her philosophies of life and teaching, with the skills she garnered through outreach programs with diverse communities, she developed the personal development workshop Principles of Engagement: Connecting Youth to the Infinite Possibilities Within which gives teens a set of workable tools to increase their levels of success at tasks, and goals not only in dance, and all aspect of their lives. Theresa Ruth Howard is certainly diverse and multifaceted as an artist, and is moved to both write and create work; however she sees every student she encounters as a work in progress, and the potential to change the world one person at a time. The only was to make this world a better place it to be better people in it!

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A Revelation: “Strong” does not mean you are not fragile…


So apparently my body is once again on the wane it’s like “Honey who shrunk my thighs!?” and trust me I wasn’t trying. Here’s what happened. My best friend April (the one with the amazing closet) was once again purging, hence I was to be the recipient of recycled couture, however this time I was concerned because I knew that I was a bit larger then I had been the last time we had one of these sessions. It is important to note that though April and I are the same height we have very different body types, she has it all up top and I have it all below, so shoes and tops and (depending on the cut) dresses are never a problem but pants (especially without a bit of stretch) can be an issue. So there we were, I was pulling clothes off and on with great success until I got to a pair of jeans a size 28. I slipped one leg in up to the thigh and the seams cried uncle! There was no way. I have to say that even before I got there I knew that there was no way they were going to fit, but knowing April she would never have believed it until I tried. Since I was under no delusion about where my body was I was not shattered that they didn’t fit and so I chucked them aside and carried on.

About a month later I was once again over April’s house helping her fold laundry. She pulled out a pair of jeans and announced, “Okay these are going, they just don’t work,” I said, “Hold on let me see if they fit”. I slipped them on without thought or resistance. They were actually loose, it was then April informed me that they in fact were the same jeans that fit like a tourniquet a month before. Clearly my body had made an executive decision to let go of my winter growth.

That was about two weeks ago, since my body has continued to wane. Just the other day coming home form Bikram, wearing the aforementioned jeans (now even looser) I glanced my reduced thighs as I ascended the subway stairs I thought to myself that they looked tiny, like a child’s thighs. Where I have not dropped that much weight, because I have no breasts and my upper body tends to remain lean, it gets rather bony when I am thinner, when I lose on the bottom I look a bit boyish (for me). As I emerged onto the street my mind went to why it is that I feel “better” when I am on the “thinner” side. I realized then that psychologically it ran far deeper for me than just the aesthetic of thinness. The child-like thing was a piece of that puzzle. Since I was very young I have been physically strong, as a child I had shapely muscular legs. At the age of 12 I was 5’7 and ripped, at 18 I had a bit more meat on my bones, and stood 5’10. As a Ballet dancer my stature earned me the title “Big girl” which referred both to my height in conjunction to my weight and muscularity. I hated it; it made me feel like a cow. It just reminded me that I was no way what I was supposed to be as a ballet dancer.

That is the physical side of the story; the other side has to do with my personality. In that area I too am a “Big girl” I have a large personality; I speak my mind and am honest and direct in any and all situations (sometimes to a fault). I have no problem standing up for what I think is right, I also tend to advocate for others when they cannot stand up for themselves. I am a strong woman physically and in personality. So what does that have to do with my body? Well here’s the thing, for some reason there is an idea that if you are physically strong, or have a strong personality that some how you are not sensitive, fragile or even vulnerable. There is this idea that because of the way that you look or carry yourself that your muscle or your voice acts as armor rendering you impervious to harsh words, actions or being hurt. Perhaps this is just my skewed perception, but I have noticed that small people (either petite in stature or bone) seem to be treated with more gentility, with a kind of care, or sensitivity as if they are delicate. Think about it” Pick on someone your own size” it not only implies that you should “pick” on someone of equal stature and weight but also that you shouldn’t pick on little people, or people who “appear” to be weak” or fragile.

I have lived in my body all of my life, in all it’s shapes and sizes, likewise I have lived with my energy and personality for just as long, I am completely aware of the fact that I can be “intimidating” both physically and energetically. I am aware that the combination of my stature and my unyielding, dogged personality work to solidify the impression that I can withstand every, and everything. I get it, I truly do, and this is exactly where my body – and its image come into play. I feel like (regardless of whether it is a reality or not) when I am thinner, smaller in a sense I may appear less “strong” thus less intimidating, and perchance more approachable in a way. The idea that my legs looked childlike in my mind is a part of that idea. Children are not scary or physically intimidating, people are more open and kinder with children, they are more tolerant and gentle, they acknowledge that they are fragile (mentally, emotionally and physically) and they act accordingly. Some where I feel like if I am “smaller”, people will then see the truth of my tenderness, my fragility and have a different reaction towards me, and perhaps then open a space for me to not have to be tough.

People who know me, and have experienced me know that I have a soft side, and am highly sensitive. My physical strength and bravado are not necessarily indicators of my internal emotional landscape. The truth is a person’s physical and emotional constitutions are not always mirror images. Someone’s “largeness” (be it physical or in personality) does not preclude the fact that they may be being sensitive, vulnerable even weak, and vice versa. Conversely I know a lot of diminutive, boney people who will throw you to the mat literally or figuratively and leave you for dead.

The reality is that I am not weak, but I am not a fortress either, I am capable and willing to be a support for others however it would be nice to be supported without having to ask, or be in complete breakdown for someone to think to offer. It is my belief that my physicality and my personality have something to do with creating the illusion that support, encouragement, and even help are things I- or “strong” people do not need. When you “look” like you are fine, strong, and confident it seldom occurs to others that you just might not be. It’s not their fault, it’s just the way that it looks. If you look like you need help, and then people are more likely to offer.

There is no answer or combat to the perceptions people hold when they look at you. When and if they get to know you then all becomes clear. hey, I’m a big girl, a strong woman and the fact of the matter is, no matter how thin I get, I will still be who I am and I am a big girl, a strong woman, – I am also a sensitive girl and a vulnerable woman, that is also a reality, and all those truths are housed in this body, be it full or thin, powerful or frail. Perhaps those who either care to look closely, ask or have to courage to approach will ever know, but maybe that’s the way it was meant to be.

Dance Studio

Catherine Cabeen and Co. Joyce SoHo Review

There is a lot of dance out there to be seen. Wherever you go there is some person pushing a postcard of advertisement into your hand with a list of choreographers and participating dancers on the back. There are choices to be made when it comes to what to see both artistically and economically, from the post card pushers lower ticket price to BAM, City Center, Lincoln Center, The Joyce P.S 122, or DTW. No matter what your price point, you want to emerge from the darkness of the theater…moved, changed, challenged or sated, like you push back form the table, unbutton your pants and sigh in contentment.

Often what happens is more akin to the experience of having Chinese food- usually you end up with some watered down, Americanized imitation that though filling, while you’re eating you know that there is something better out there, and then an hour you’re hungry again. This is why I avoid seeing a lot of the dance that’s out there, sitting in the theater I get irritated, perturbed and finally angry. I tend to be irascible and ill behaved when cornered and forced to endure bad dance happening to good people [meaning the dancers and I suppose that extends to the audience members that are on a level held hostage] Ok that was a bit verbose, but if you are reading this then I bet you have been in a situation that made you feel just that way.

That having been stated, there are times when I am so taken aback at what is presented that it almost makes me wonder “Is this what I have been missing? Perhaps I should come out more often.” Those times are few and far between but the moment Catherine Cabeen padded onto the stage and took her place beside a heap of crumpled white papers on May 12th at Joyce SoHo that is what happened, I was enthralled.

I can in no way feign incredulity, I have enjoyed Ms.Cabeen as a dancer for years [Bill T.Jones] and had the pleasure of interviewing her prior to the opening so the density, thought, clarity of purpose and intention I cannot say came as a surprise. I already knew of the prowess of her presence alone. No I was not taken aback as much as delighted. It was like being ravenously hungry and then being led blindfolded into a banquet of your favorite foods including things you had forgotten you’d liked or hadn’t had in a long time, even some things you never thought would be to your liking but were, sheer delight.

Cabeen herself is a feast for the eyes, not only as a mover but as a crafter. Composites was a thesis statement of sorts for the evening. A solo set to music by Julian Martlew, and the text of writer Jay Mcleer it is built on a phonic movement vocabulary that reflects the text. The work shows not only her range and a dancer (technique clean as a whistle) the liquidity and articulation of her back, arms, (even her feet), and the clarity of her gesture, but it exposes her courage; her courage to be aggressive, confrontational, fully feminine with an assaulting beauty of both face and form, then masculine with a “don’t try me swagger”. It shows her ability to be classic and iconoclastic concomitantly, all within a small space and window of time with boundaries overlapping. She has the courage to tell what feels like quiet little secrets with the body, and through the eyes. She challenges you to watch while daring you to look away. She also has the courage to stand still. One of the most poignant moments in Composites is when Cabeen gathers herself together and stands amid the crumpled papers while Mcleer’s voice talks about the elements of “composure” as she stands, we see all the fear, pain, anxiety, anger, rage, and oppression in her effort to suppress these things, to keep them contained in the name of “composure” the building energy is only evidenced by the rustling sound of the papers beneath her feet. She has the courage not to give you- the audience the relief of release instead she, as the stage goes black, leaves you there to contemplate what passed before you.

It would be a hard job to have to follow Catherine Cabeen in a solo that she created on herself that had become your inheritance, but this was just the task that Sarah Lustbader had placed before her in Breeze (music by cCloudead). It the darkness of the transition between these pieces I was wondering if any one else would be able to do Composites as it seems to come so intrinsically out of the strengths and physical particularities of Cabeen’s body and sensibility. With Breeze I got part of the answer. In order to pull of a Cabeen on Cabeen work it takes alchemy of facility, virtuosity, maturity, emotional connectivity and presence. Lustbader had a fair amount of all of these things but not quite enough to sustain the level of expectation her predecessor set before her. Though it’s unfair to judge one against the other it is just what happened due to the placement of the two works and their performers on the program. I saw glimmers of those moments that made you “ahh” but for me it was more that I had already had a conversation and this was a reiteration of an utterance from that previous chat. Here is a thing that sounds petty but is a factor in how the work is viewed; Lusterbader’s was done a disservice by the choice of “costume” (a black shirt coupled pair of tight, red, distressed jeans cuffed at the bottom, and black dance sneakers) did nothing for her form or the work. It clashed with the clean lines and shapes that she was creating. The shoes were clunky and cut the line. It gave the piece a “college showing” sort of a feel. While well executed, the solo fell a bit flat over all.

Distances a duet for Cabeen and long time friend and colleague Echo Gustafson was perform with the two musicians, Kane Mathis (on the Oud) and Julian Martlew (on the Dobro) sitting on either side of the stage as the women explore the concepts of space and distance physically by intertwining, weaving, and unweaving their bodies together and apart, bearing and shifting weight, in the most confounding of ways. There was a meditative, aquatic, Tai Chi feeling about it. It was almost a study on intimacy and closeness, and then when the two individuals separate you (and they) have to figure out and establish who and what they are alone, before they come back together. The physical synchronicity between these to dancers was clear, when connected they seemed to think with one mind, it was difficult to establish where one woman ended and the other began. It was utterly fascinating to watch the various way of becoming intertwined, knotted with someone and yet finding a graceful way of extracting one’s self. What a physical metaphor for relationships…

The second half began with what felt like a study of sorts, a duet with Lustabader and Gustafson webbed by huge paper fans (created by Michael Cepress) attached to one of their legs, that they systematically expanded and manipulated between them. Chromatic Dispersions is interesting visually and texturally but the fans create a physical limitation that once the possibilities of what can be done with a fan strapped to your leg are explored, you kind of have no where else to go. Thankfully Cabeen knows this and the duet is short and therefore remains sweet. The evening ended as it began with Cabeen in the solo Segments, this time dancing her way to- through and against obstacles, down a shaft of light (Designed by Connie Yun) towards a Cora plucking Kane Mathis who sits on a bench at the other end of her journey. Structurally is it a well-crafted solo you can see her dance /life experience not only in her body and in her movement vocabulary choices, but also in her ability to edit herself. There are hints of Jones and Graham like tiny markers in her work, yet it is clear that she has digested her experiences and come to an understanding about what they (as influences are) and what they mean to her, there are respectful references to her linage that organically emerge almost the way ones cadence and intonation of speech is like that of your families, you can’t hear it but anyone listening can hear the similarities. She is organic, and authentic and it comes through her work, she takes risks, and not because they are there for the taking but because she doesn’t know how else to be. When viewing Catherine Cabeen, and her work I feel it’s not about “liking “ it or not, it’s not about getting it- or being “smart” enough to get it. It’s about something that we see very little of nowadays in dance (and elsewhere for that matter) it’s really about art and creativity, and making work because you are so moved to. Kinda hippy- dippy sounding but hey…Invariably when work is made without “agenda” it has the freedom to do what we “say” art should do, and that is, make you feel, think, question, imagine, reflect, in no particular order and possibly without judgment but simply by and for experience. It should stay with you, either hauntingly or like the hook of a song you can’t get out of your head making you ask yourself “Geez, it’s been 4 days why am I still thinking about that show?” It should inspire you, disturb you, soothe you but is always, always leave you altered, and that is what Cabeen’s work does, she slithers inside plants a thought, an image an idea and just as quickly as she entered she slips back into the darkness.

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Catherine Cabeen on “What is Contemporary Dance?”


Well this is your last night to catch the indomitable Catherine Cabeen and Company at the Joyce Soho (8pm). I went opening night and was mesmerized, presently I am working a review- soon to come, but in the meantime I thought I would bring you more of our conversation. I asked Catherine what she thought contemporary dance was, as we as a community are striving to understand and codify it as all other eras in dance have been before it. I found her answer fitting to her personal philosophy and definitely one aspect of the various types of contemporary work being presented. This led us to the discussion about how competition dance has influenced both the next generation of dancers and choreographers, in addition to the reality of the necessity of work having to have a level of marketability in order for artist to survive.

For ticket information click here

for more on Catherine Cabeen click here

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Just a thought

I was walking my dog when I passed this advertisement on a bus stop kiosk, and I was thinking, “God I wish I was that my waist was that small and fed into my hips that way” and then I mentally shook myself and remembered what I do (here) and self corrected. I reminded myself “She probably doesn’t look that way in real life” nothing against the model, but referring to the airbrushing- the waist nipping, light enhancing, color correction that happens to most (if not all photos) before they reach us, the public. I suddenly felt better, like I could see that the Emperor did not have new clothes at all, I got that is was all in the mind, what we choose to believe to be true. And then I thought “Wow what if all women could do that, walk past the billboards and instead of feeling inadequate, about not being that, realized that what they were coveting didn’t really exist? Wouldn’t we all feel much better?” I know I did, and so I extend this exercise of sorts to you. When ever you see a photo in a magazine or billboard that has you wanting to look like that, just remember that all of it is not real, that she just like you has flaws but they have been erased, she is not “perfect” and neither are you and so therefore you two have more in common then you would think.

It’s just a thought.

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A Mother giving her 8 year old Daugther Botox? WTF!

Britney Campbell is an eight-year-old aspiring pageant queen whose mother injects her with Botox to remove her “wrinkles” on Thursday Britney and her mother Kerry spoke to Good Morning America’s Lara Spencer about Botox, leg waxing and the Beauty pageant circuit.

Now I don’t know where to start with this one. All that comes to mind is that this is the reason I started a forum like this. This is utter madness! What eight year old has wrinkles, or even thinks about having wrinkles? What mother would entertain such an idea and instead of telling her child, “You are fine, you are beautiful and perfect just as you are” reinforces that idea by filling a syringe with Botox and shoots a child up? Kerry says that this all started because of her daughter’s participation in child beauty pageants, wouldn’t you think that once the child came back with a head filled with worries far beyond her years that she would pull her out of them and put her in soccer? Could this be some sort of Body dysmorphic Munchausen syndrome by proxy? I was dumbfounded as I watched, and listened. I wonder what will happen to this woman now that she has gone on national television with the admission? Whoa too scary!

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See Catherine Cabeen and Company at Joyce Soho May 12-14

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Catherine Cabeen and Company are about to begin their 3 day run at the Joyce Soho Theater located at 155 Mercer Street. It is something not to be missed!
Personally I have been a fan of Catherine Cabeen’s dancing since I first saw her with the Bill T.Jones/Arnie Zane Dance Company. Statuesque, and strong, with a liquid torso and hatefully gorgeous feet, she ate up the space and yet left enough room for others. There was a poetry in her movement and yet she was never apologetic about her size, or her beauty. For the past three years Cabeen has been based in Seattle (I’ll let her tell you how she got there) where she started her company that it is on every level a collaborative, not merely between her and her dancers but with visual musicians, visual artists writers, and technical artists. The results, in my opinion, are captivating, her physical instrument is already so incredible to watch, but her architectural use of it, and the space surrounding is what draws your eye in. Her collaborations with other artists have created a complete visual and audio aesthetic that is well worth seeing. I interviewed Ms. Cabeen and was even further taken when I found her to be both an intellectual and physical task master, whose creations are layered with ideas ranging from language, gender, space, philosophy and evolve out of a genuine craving for exploration. Check out some of here work below

Meet Cathrine Cabeen!!

What’s on the Program for the Joyce, get the inside scoop on the works Cathrine has brought to the Joyce Soho Theater

click here for more info on Catherine Cabeen and Company

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Who Wore It Best

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For the longest time, for some unknown reason the phrase Who Wore it Best and this type of comparison has always rubbed me the wrong way. In the last 3-5 years this new “game” of Who Wore It Best” started to creep up both in print publications and online. When two women are photographed in the same outfit this question is posited and then readers are polled as to who they think looks better in the outfit. Now there are other versions of the comparative pondering, one of which is “Who’d you Rather” (as in sleep with) Which also makes me feel a bit out side of myself.

Where comparisons are a natural and common part of life, and a very real way create a standard or scale by which things are measured, comparisons in and of themselves are not always negative. That having been stated, there are times when comparisons can turn on you and become detrimental. It is my opinion that the trouble starts when judgement becomes a part of comparison. I find that comparisons without the judgment of greater than or less than work best, i.e here are two things that are seemingly quite alike however when studied you’ll note their differences, without making one neither better or worse than the other, and simply noting those differences it is possible to honor them both by recognizing their singularity. They simply are what they are. Albeit when two things are judged with one thing given more value then another things can potentially turn ugly.

I think it’s best illustrated in the comparison of siblings, it’s fine to make observations “Jane is tall and Mary is short” which may be a plain fact but when you assign value to them, one over the other, that’s where issues are born.

Sure the act of comparison does give context, it is the way that we as humans get a handle on things including where we fit into the whole mix, and that’s fine when it is necessary, but taking it to a level of creating polls where by people vote on whether or not someone is hot or not, or hotter then someone else just for entertainment (regardless of how the results make the loser feel) seems a bit unnecessary and on a level cruel. I know we can’t make it go away, but I am proposing that we take a good hard look, at our relationship to the way we compare, the why and how; and take into consideration that as we compare so are we compared– hate to get biblical but it does fit on two counts, judge not lest you be judged, and perhaps the one that might give us greater pause, do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

No one like to be compared, or more the point compared with judged, we just want to be accepted and taken as we are warts, bulges, bones and all
I’m not judging, I’m just making an observation- It’s just something to think about!

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Men who are Slimming down in Hollywood

Jonah Hill has takes more than a few off reportedly for his role in the upcoming 21 Jumpstreet remake ( ugh I hate it when they remake something that was well done the first time around). With this weight loss he has reshaped his image, in the slimmed down picture he is really giving me director Brett Ratner if he was dressing up as one of the Rat Pack for Holloween. Good for him, I wonder if we will see his choice of movie roles expand?

Seth Rogan is another Male star who shed pounds for a major movie role, the Green Hornet. He’s also engaged to be married, things are looking up! They both look great and since I am always shouting the women out for their weight loss wins, I though it high time to do so for the men!!!

I wonder if they experienced the same weight discrimination Jennifer Hudson talked about? read more about what she said here

read Taylor Owen Ramey’s take on the weight discrimination in Hollywood and the Double Standard!

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UnPretty…

Robert Moore former student of mine sent me the link to Glee’s version of the 1999 TLC hit “Unpretty” because he thought the message had everything to do with what we talk about here at My Body My Image. He Wrote:

“Hi Ms. Howard! I read your blog alot and i feel like this song that was done on Glee has a great message. In the Born This Way episode, one of the characters debates getting a nose job cuz she hates her nose and wants to be pretty like this other girl. But the other girl has a secret and it’s that she had actually had a nose job when she was fourteen and used to be considered fat and unattractive, so she decided to completely change herself. and then the girl who wanted to get a nose job decides not to, but rather embraces her nose. this song kinda describes how they feel”

When I clicked on the Glee link and heard that it was TLC’s Unpretty a rush of memories came back, I was OBSESSED with TLC back in the day! They were like the anti-girl group, they were playful, wacky, sexy without being exploitative of their bodies and they had a message. They made silk baggy pajama’s sexy, they only bared their midriffs and there was so crotch spreading, or booty bouncing, they each had a character, denoted in their second album Crazy (Lisa Left Eye Lopes) Sexy (Chili- you might know her now from her reality series “What Chili Wants”) and Cool (T-Boz). They were three tiny little things who had the courage to be completely themselves in an industry that sought (and seeks) to make female artist cookie cutter copies of sexy half dressed sirens.

Their first hit “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg” was controversial because it spoke of female sexuality – a women, like a man, wants what she wants when she wants it- and they were saying that’s okay. Lisa Left Eye Lopes wore a condom over her eye as to remind these women that you can have what you want when you want it but- always, Safety First! The controversy came not so much from the message as with the fact that they looked to be so young, where they were all over 18, they appeared to be 14-15. While the debate of the appropriateness of the song swelled these three ladies stood their ground and argued their case, and won! They rose to be the largest female group ever, and they did it by spreading the message of female empowerment and self possession through well crafted lyrics that we hear very little of these days. It was a very special time in music and thus I share the original version with you, and if you have never heard of TLC then I encourage you to check them out, their music and message it timeless!


Here is the Glee version of the song if you are a fan!